In my previous article I wrote about the controlling people in the different areas of our lives. It is one thing to realise, that we are facing such situations from time to time, however, being in them leads to one obvious end result and action. We need to solve them. We need to manage these situations.

As the solution of any kind of issues we encounter with, this also comes from within.

First of all, we need to look inside our own selves. What “benefits” we are having being in contact with such controlling people? Family patterns? With this being able to avoid decision making? Having the semi-comfortable feeling of blending in the mass of people without being really noticed?

Whatever it is you find as an answer, this is the area what you need to clear out within yourself.

By doing this, you will be able to find a deeper inner peace, harmony and worthiness. Having all these already on your side, helping you on the way forward, you can turn more to the outside and start to find the way to cooperate with the controlling people around you.

I believe that no matter in what relation you are with these people – workplace, family, romantic relationship – the main point is first of all to understand where they are coming from soul-wise. What their past injuries and patterns can be, due to which they live their lives with this exhausting need of having everything and everyone under control around themselves. Because even if they do not notice this, it is a compensating methodology for something that they are missing inside. Lack of stability, sense of worthiness, lack of feeling loved or believing in themselves.

Maybe you will never know for sure what happened to them before, but you can have a good guess. Once you have this, it is crucial to know that it is not your task to solve it for them. It is always the individual’s own responsibility to work for their own development, not yours! Do not want to save them just because you think you have found the holy grail. They need to do it for themselves. All you need to do, is to understand them.

With this understanding it will be a whole lot easier for you to cooperate with these people. You will be able to give them some areas they can control – and you will not even feel hurt by this. At the same time, in other areas you will be able to set boundaries in a way that they will also understand it and keep up to it. The main point here is the balance. As long as they do not realise that they need to let go of some of their control needs, all you can do is to have a gentle effect on them by also keeping your own personal space, limits, individuality. Try to make it towards a win-win situation. You give something and you can also ask for something in return – for the sake of keeping the balance, for the contentment of both parties.

Just watch and see how the connection between you two are forming, storming, norming. Even if slowly, but steadily – in case you keep investing in the win-win solution of this situation.

A sentence from Stephen Covey’s book of the ‘7 habits of highly successful people’ completely applies here in this case as well:

“Seek to understand, than to be understood”

Once you understand yourself and you understand the other person, only then you will also be understood by them.

Start the change yourself!

I can assure you, it is worth it! 🙂